This week’s topic is worthy of careful examination of scriptures to arrive at biblical conclusions and not man’s ideas or thoughts.
It is important to state firstly that throughout the entire Bible, there were only three major commentators on the issue of divorce: Moses, Jesus and Paul. This means if we are to answer this week’s question, we must as a matter of necessity dwell on what they taught in this regard, and rightly divide same.
In Matthew 19, the Pharisees came tempting Jesus on the issue of divorce. Let’s examine the text, but before we do, note that what you are about to read now is a temptation.
Matthew 19:3 (KJV)
3) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, IS IT LAWFUL FOR A MAN TO PUT AWAY HIS WIFE FOR EVERY CAUSE?
They were asking about divorce, but they wanted it FOR EVERY CAUSE. That means for any single flimsy reason, can a man send his wife parking out of his house and life?
Jesus’ response in the next few verses (verses 4 to 6) was quite interesting. They quoted Deuteronomy, but Jesus pointed their attention first to Genesis about the first marriage, the prototype marriage, the heavenly marriage – between God and man. The inseparable eternal marriage.
Why did Jesus give that response? He did that to show them the idea of what an earthly marriage should look like. A mirror of the heavenly. A reflection of that which is true. God’s eternal union with the believer.
Let’s examine the Pharisee’s follow-up question in verse 7 which happens to be in line with our focus today.
Matthew 19:7-8 (KJV)
7) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning, it was not so.
In verse 7, they called divorce a COMMAND Moses gave to them. Jesus, while interpreting and explaining correctly to them in verse 8, calls it a PERMISSION; An ALLOWANCE. The word interpreted “suffered” in verse 8 means “allowed”, and “permitted”. So it wasn’t a commandment Moses gave but permission.
You may ask: why did Moses give that allowance? The answer is clear in verse 8 – because of the hardness of men’s hearts.
Recall, Moses in the beginning (Genesis) already taught about the heavenly marriage (between God and man – Gen 2:24, Isaiah 54:5, Ephesians 5:31-31) where there is no divorce. Then he moves further in Deuteronomy to talk about the earthly marriage (between man and woman). Knowing fully well how the heart of men could be, hard and harsh and not align with the heavenly marriage, Moses then gave an allowance to protect the woman rather than kill her, suffer her and make her life miserable in marriage because the men’s hearts were hard.
In other words, men (men and women) are imperfect and their hearts can be harsh and hard-hearted. On account of that, Moses spoke to them about divorce but from the beginning – the true, prototype marriage, we find no divorce there. Let’s see Jesus’ response again. It would be clearer now. Verse 8.
Matthew 19:8 (KJV)
8) He saith unto them, Moses BECAUSE of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: BUT FROM THE BEGINNING (Genesis) IT WAS NOT SO.
Simply put, what Moses did was to free the wives from tyranny, hardship, bitterness, perpetual maltreatment, and unending suffering due to a man’s hard heart. Hence, Moses in his writings gave an allowance for mercy. Rather than trample on the wife as a rag and treat her as nonsense and rubbish, Moses says: please let her be. That means men treat other men the way their heart is. That is worthy of note.
So we find Jesus explaining Moses to the Pharisees who came tempting. Jesus wasn’t teaching about divorce but rather revealing the hearts of men in marriage and what it leads to. So, if one partner’s heart doesn’t align with the beginning (God’s kind of marriage) then there will be divorce.
Having established this, will I be committing adultery if I seek divorce?
Well, the Bible teaches that divorce can happen but it cannot and shouldn’t be for every flimsy, and frivolous reason. Are there specifics? Well, Moses didn’t mention any in particular.
Let’s check the book of Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy 24:1-2
1) When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2) And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.
Verse 1 says that SHE FIND NO FAVOUR IN HIS EYES. That simply means the man would no longer treat her well and will use marriage to punish her because she no longer finds favour in his eyes. Hard heart. Given to protect the spouse from oppression and the likes, Moses gives permission to put her away and remarriage is possible.
Jesus explained the same in Matthew 19.
Matthew 19:9 (KJV)
9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
The above verse is simply saying if your reasons for divorce are actually not clear and valid, then you are an adulterer in the act of divorcing your wife. The same applies to both the husband and wife. Jesus isn’t saying the ONLY ground for divorce is fornication? No! Adultery there would be the act of putting the woman in jeopardy and sending her away on any flimsy grounds. Yes, there are valid grounds, but when it doesn’t exist and he puts her away as a result of his hard heart, he has committed adultery. How? In that, he has abandoned loving his wife to whom he vowed to or she has abandoned loving her husband to whom she vowed to.
The men in Jesus’ days looked for every frivolous, flimsy reason to divorce and put away their wives. They were hoping Jesus would validate their actions. The same still happens in our world today.
See their question once again in verse 3.
Matthew 19:3 (KJV)
3) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife FOR EVERY CAUSE?
They wanted to divorce on account of any single thing that drops by. Jesus said: No, he protected the wives from being pushed away by just any single frivolous reason.
Paul, the Apostle further explained this in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
1 Cor. 7:10-11 (KJV)
10) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11) BUT AND IF SHE DEPART, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
Paul here, says the same thing Jesus and Moses had been saying. The wife should abide by her husband. She shouldn’t depart (Verse 10). Why? Because that is a reflection of the true marriage as seen in Christ and the church, no divorce. But if there is a valid reason, which isn’t flimsy, Paul says she can depart, however, Paul is still strong on reconciliation back, so he says to the woman, don’t marry but still seek reconciliation. And says to the man, don’t put her away (Verse 11)
Furthermore, Paul gives us an insight and says to us that at times pursuing peace is to let the other spouse go (divorce). He said this in relation to a mixed marriage (believer and unbeliever).
1 Cor. 7:15
15) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
In conclusion, divorce happens. It is a result of the heart of men/women. Will a partner be committing adultery if he seeks a divorce? If for every flimsy, frivolous, not valid reason, a man puts away his wife or a woman divorces her husband, that act itself Jesus calls adultery. The act of putting her away for flimsy reasons is adultery. Here, it doesn’t have to be sexual to be called adultery, it has to do with the heart loving something other than the vow made to each other. It is adultery. Jesus in explaining Moses sets the standards high. In doing so, he protects the woman, he protects the man. He saves the marriage.